CUPs

Statistical Autopsy

Statistical Autopsy

Apologies for the blogging delay, but I am partial to a spot of church defilement on a Sunday.

Maurico Pochettino, the World’s 3rd Greatest Living Argentinian™ and savour at large took a sh*t with his clothes on yesterday.

While he was filling his underpants, some chickens came home to roost. Like watching an incontinent drunk trying to operate a KFC franchise.

This fiasco of a game to some extent hinged upon playing Son out of position.

Spurs were unsettled by this beyond naive gambit but that wasn’t the half of it.

The squad at Poch’s disposal may look magnificent against the likes of cannon fodder such as Swansea, but Champions elect Chelsea are a tad higher up the food chain than the woeful Welshmen.

Although apparently we won the stats!

MYTH.

Having watched the game closely and being a fakin expert on the subject, I can categorically tell you we did not. There is a stark difference between having the ball and doing anything useful with it.

 

Some of you are actually claiming this to be an achievement of some description. let me enlighten you. Of the 580 passes 477 were classed as being ‘short’.

I’ve no beef per se with short passes but we weren’t watching Serie A game yesterday. We were watching Spurs side being thwarted in pretty much all that they attempted.

And that was another thing that was bugging me when I was reading glowing Spurs reviews after the game. I didn’t get that vibe. I felt we were disjointed.

We were. We kept losing the bloody ball. Here are the most dispossessed players from yesterday. No surprise to see our man Alli at the top off the tree.

 

And guess what? Yup, the tackling stats prove that it was not only Chelsea that won that ball more. It was Chelsea that tried to win the ball more. Only Mousa got stuck in.

Too many of our lot went missing. Unforgivable in such a big game. Clearly they thought that this was a done deal and all they had to do was show up and we’d tickle another 4-0 out of it.

NEWSFLASH: This wasn’t flipping Bournemouth or Watford.

What happens when Spurs play a real team?

The wheels fall off. Tackling is a basic discipline. One that we managed to embarrass ourselves in.

 

Who’s that Kanté bloke again? Oh that’s right, the one that you told me was overpriced.

I could go on into the night, we had 11 corners to Chelsea’s 1. These stats we ‘excelled’ in are in a par with winning that godawful ‘Colour The Arch’ nonsense.

We were incapable of winning no matter how much we had of the ball as the squad is light. No shock that is a squad that has to hire Wembley as it isn’t good enough to earn the right to play there. More of that in due course.

The cold truth of it is that we scored twice against the run of play, despite our possession, opposed to because of it.

I’m bored senseless with the excuses that you Flat Earthers have made over the last 17 years and now my boredom slips effortlessly into a funk as Levy has the ‘Get Out Of Jail Free’ card of all time. Namely a £400million + debt.

You won’t see us win anything, but there’s a Cheese Room you could parody and a Micro Brewery that’ll probably be operated by some rubbish, flavourless, global mega corp, opposed to the excellent local craft brewers Redemption.

Spurs didn’t win anything yesterday because the manager had some class of neurological event whilst picking the team, combined with the grim reality that this squad when faced with anyone good …is so light it hurts.

Player autopsy to follow.

View Comments (102)
Comments
  • Aside from cerebrospinal fluid, what's on your mind?

  • norman wisdom April 23, 2017 at 7:56 pm

    we wuz robbed….thats my story and im sticking to it. im not admitting chelsea were the better team-even if they were.

  • AccringtonSpurs April 23, 2017 at 7:43 pm
  • A_Felching April 23, 2017 at 7:38 pm

    I enjoyed the game, it was a shame we couldn’t put them away but it was close enough.

  • Harry Hotspur April 23, 2017 at 7:13 pm

    APOLOGY

    I was only made aware of the full extent of comments posted by Golden Cockerel a few minutes ago and the fucker is toast.

    My sincere apologies for those more offended by him than me.

    What a ****

    • 61SpursNut🌰 April 23, 2017 at 7:33 pm

      👍🏼

    • Freünd or Foe April 23, 2017 at 7:41 pm

      Eh? What did I miss?

      • 61SpursNut🌰 April 23, 2017 at 7:44 pm

        Harry is referring to the previous blog assault.

    • East Stand April 23, 2017 at 8:14 pm

      I told him so, several times. What a turd, probably a Chavcheat supporter fucking about?

  • richspurs April 23, 2017 at 7:11 pm

    Good evening blerry buggered bogrymen. Next time Spurs play an impt match stay off this blog. Like Wembley its jinxed. He he he. Well we really bottled that one. my voodoo doll, sacred incense, magic wand and well thumbed book of curses didnt work, back to the old drawing board, ok computer screen nowadays.
    Keep the bloidy bloomers on guys n dolls This season aint over yet. Win on Wed and who knows them old magic tricks might just be hiding n holding out on me n reveal themselves or just working through snail mail.

  • oxspur April 23, 2017 at 6:40 pm

    That’s all we need palace in great form and them fcuking scum bags getting a moral boosting win just has we are about to play them big week ahead COYS

  • AccringtonSpurs April 23, 2017 at 6:26 pm

    Palace taken two big scalps now.

    • ronwol196061🇨🇦 April 23, 2017 at 6:31 pm

      Well we wont have a problem will we?We have a small scalp

  • Horndog April 23, 2017 at 6:25 pm

    With this huge win and Big Sam on record as saying 38 points will keep Palace up, which is where they are, will they have the needed emotion when they face us on Wednesday?

    • UnkleTaff April 23, 2017 at 6:30 pm

      No.

      Next question.

      • Caspurs♿️ April 23, 2017 at 6:31 pm

        I prefer multiple choice..

      • Horndog April 23, 2017 at 6:33 pm

        Proper answer, no further questions needed.

        • Caspurs♿️ April 23, 2017 at 6:40 pm

          Dammit, I was hoping for one I knew the answer to!

  • SpurAndy 🍒π April 23, 2017 at 6:25 pm

    Finally, one comfort crumb.

  • 61SpursNut🌰 April 23, 2017 at 6:21 pm

    6 minutes added time? Were there injuries?

  • UnkleTaff April 23, 2017 at 6:18 pm

    Benteke has now scored more goals as a visiting player to Anfield than he did as a Red.

    🙂

    • Horndog April 23, 2017 at 6:20 pm

      Steam pouring out of Klopp’s ears. 😬

    • is Gascoigne gonna have a crack? April 23, 2017 at 6:21 pm

      That’s stat of the month and no mistake.

  • is Gascoigne gonna have a crack? April 23, 2017 at 6:07 pm

    That’s the weekend topped off just peachy then. I don’t wanna hear another 2 bit pundit call guadiola a genius. The man is a myth. Should be dominating with that squad and their resources but they can’t even cope with crisis team Woolwich. What a final….somebody get me a narcotic of some description.

  • UnkleTaff April 23, 2017 at 6:06 pm

    As it stands Utd are now four points behind Liverpool with two games in hand. I don’t care what Mourinho says there will be enough people at OT to point out to him how big a deal finishing above Liverpool would be.

    I’m coming round to the view that both City and Utd will be spending obscene amounts of money over the summer so they might as well occupy the final two CL places as both Arsenal and Liverpool will find it far more difficult to recruit new players (and keep their existing ones) without the attraction of CL football.

    • ronwol196061🇨🇦 April 23, 2017 at 6:09 pm

      Have you relegated us to the womens field hockey team?

    • Horndog April 23, 2017 at 6:18 pm

      Certainly seems like that scenario is very real.

  • DAVID April 23, 2017 at 6:06 pm

    Watching the Palace game now, they will give us a tough game this Wednesday.

    • Freünd or Foe April 23, 2017 at 6:06 pm

      That crossed my mind too.

    • UnkleTaff April 23, 2017 at 6:10 pm

      Palace are a much better team away from home these days. They’re currently third from bottom in the “home” league table:

      http://www.soccerstats.com/homeaway.asp?league=england

      • UnkleTaff April 23, 2017 at 6:11 pm

        …and rather encouragingly Southampton have a decent away record and Everton’s home record is second only to ours — which bodes well for us given that they are Chelsea’s next two opponents.

        • Freünd or Foe April 23, 2017 at 6:16 pm

          Unk, have you seen those adverts with the welsh chap having a bet all happy and jolly with his mate in the depths of despair? Dinghy, spaceship, polar bear. That’s you that is.

  • Ronan April 23, 2017 at 6:01 pm

    Scouse down, benteke

  • Freünd or Foe April 23, 2017 at 6:01 pm

    That’s better.

  • Caspurs♿️ April 23, 2017 at 5:49 pm

    I really dislike Jamie Carraghers voice, but when he commentates it’s intolerable!

    • SpurAndy 🍒π April 23, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      I find it sounds like a fax machine. Lots of high tones followed by the odd beep.

  • Frontwheel 2 April 23, 2017 at 5:44 pm

    Only a matter of time before the dippers score.

    • SpurAndy 🍒π April 23, 2017 at 5:47 pm

      Then my weekend will be complete….

  • SpurAndy 🍒π April 23, 2017 at 5:41 pm

    FOOKIN SHIT WEEKEND.

  • AccringtonSpurs April 23, 2017 at 5:38 pm

    What’s the best outcome here? Arse beat Cheats in the final, prevent the Chelsea double and Wenger stays? OR Chelsea do the double and Arse miss out on both top 4 AND FA Cup?

    • The Great White Hope April 23, 2017 at 5:40 pm

      Neither, best we can hope for is the FA do them both for fielding an intelligent Player !

      • The Great White Hope April 23, 2017 at 5:41 pm

        Inelligable Player….feckin predictive text.

        • Frontwheel 2 April 23, 2017 at 5:45 pm

          I prefer the first one

    • melcyid April 23, 2017 at 6:15 pm

      there is no best outcome

  • The Great White Hope April 23, 2017 at 5:37 pm

    Gooners into the final, if Poch had got it right yesterday We’d be running round Wembley with the FA Cup in a few weeks.

    • ronwol196061🇨🇦 April 23, 2017 at 5:40 pm

      In Bruges?

      No.In fucking Pain!

  • McG ⚽⚽ April 23, 2017 at 5:33 pm

    Wenger gets it right, Poch fooks it.

  • Lilywhite without the II April 23, 2017 at 5:33 pm

    Dead man walking gets his team to a cup final….wankers

  • Caspurs♿️ April 23, 2017 at 5:32 pm

    Citeh are sooo crap!

    • UnkleTaff April 23, 2017 at 5:34 pm

      They’re now just one point ahead of Utd with the Manchester derby on Thursday. Lose that and they drop out of the top four.

      Welcome to the Premier League, Guardiola.

      • Horndog April 23, 2017 at 5:38 pm

        Mourinho on TV after his match today saying that Manure are now prioritizing the Europa League. City now in a position where they will be trophyless. Squad selection for both will get interesting.

        • UnkleTaff April 23, 2017 at 5:42 pm

          If, given the current league standings, Mourinho says he’s prioritising the Europa League then he’s lying through his teeth.

          • Horndog April 23, 2017 at 5:46 pm

            Exactly what he said.

            • 61SpursNut🌰 April 23, 2017 at 5:54 pm

              He said he’s lying through his teeth?

              • Horndog April 23, 2017 at 6:05 pm

                ….well, he may as well have

  • Urbane Sturgeon April 23, 2017 at 5:26 pm

    A squad of winners cost more in wages than we are prepared to pay; we have half a team’s worth. My concern is that we’ll be a rather fancy and exciting nearly team right up until Poch gets bored & a better offer, takes the cream with him, and it all falls apart. That can happen shockingly quickly.

    • UnkleTaff April 23, 2017 at 5:29 pm

      Pochettino is on record as saying he’s in it for the long haul. He’s not going anywhere.

      • McG ⚽⚽ April 23, 2017 at 5:31 pm

        We are literally two players away from greatness. Sissy out the door, one quality midfielder & one attacker will do the job.

  • Frontwheel 2 April 23, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    Palace equal at the dippers

    • Caspurs♿️ April 23, 2017 at 5:19 pm

      That’s better news.

  • melcyid April 23, 2017 at 5:18 pm

    in my fertile mind of hope

  • DAVID April 23, 2017 at 5:17 pm

    City look shot, what a crap weekend.

    • Caspurs♿️ April 23, 2017 at 5:20 pm

      Weeda thrashed either of them!

    • SpurAndy 🍒π April 23, 2017 at 5:29 pm

      On the plus side, keeps Auntie in a job.

  • melcyid April 23, 2017 at 5:16 pm

    yay 3-2 citeh

    • 89Spurs 👁 April 23, 2017 at 5:17 pm

      When?

    • Caspurs♿️ April 23, 2017 at 5:17 pm

      Woohoo!

  • 89Spurs 👁 April 23, 2017 at 5:16 pm

    Still 2-1 on the box, you making it up?

  • melcyid April 23, 2017 at 5:16 pm

    there is no way on earth or under heaven that I will be watching the cup final.I want neither to win.I hope it is a spectacle of all that is wrong with those two teams.will expect the outcome to be accommodated by diving cheating yellow cards given and not given,plenty fouls on and off the ball +ref decisions according to the favoured team..pffft

  • The Great White Hope April 23, 2017 at 5:15 pm

    Jeez Wellbeck, Golden Chance with a header.

  • Caspurs♿️ April 23, 2017 at 5:13 pm

    Yay 2-2!

  • The Great White Hope April 23, 2017 at 5:11 pm

    The Radio must be about 1 min 40secs in front of my Sportsdonkey stream, please delay posting until i have caught up, you are ruining my enjoyment.

    • David Dillenberg April 23, 2017 at 5:12 pm

      Over and out.

  • McG ⚽⚽ April 23, 2017 at 5:10 pm

    We beat Chelsea not so long ago, it was Poch’s brain fart, not squad depth that cost us.

    1st 11:

    Hugo, Rose, Verts, Jugs, Dier, Bonzo, Dumbells, Alli, Son, Eriksen, Kane.

    Bench:
    Vorm, Tripps, Davies, Wanyama, Lamela, Sissoko, Wimmer, Vincent, NK the Don,

    That’s a very respectable assembly of 20 odd players, which also excludes youngsters like Onomah, Edwards, Carter-Vickers, we’ve just been a tad unlucky with key injuries & silly suspensions at th start of the season.

    We need two decent signings this summer & job’s a good’n.

    Should have won yesterday, blame lays firmly at Poch’s feet. We prob won’t win the league this season, but bring a couple in & we’ve a brilliant chance next.

    • Jim,Newry Spur. April 23, 2017 at 5:50 pm

      I’m with Harry’s hard headed brutal views, you don’t win this league, you buy it, and we don’t have enough dosh, and we won’t win anything until some money bags person, company, or country awash with oil money buys us. Not a very romantic, Danny Blanchflower view of the world, but true.

      • UnkleTaff April 23, 2017 at 5:56 pm

        How much did Leicester pay for it last year? Could we use the same broker?

      • Harry Hotspur April 23, 2017 at 6:06 pm

        It’s actually darker than that.

        “we won’t win anything until some money bags person, company, or country awash with oil money buys us AND INVESTS IN THE TEAM.”

        But I’ve fixed it for you 😊

  • The Great White Hope April 23, 2017 at 5:09 pm

    Sanchez 2-1 to the Gunners

  • The Great White Hope April 23, 2017 at 5:08 pm

    Are you watching it on the Radio ?

    • David Dillenberg April 23, 2017 at 5:09 pm

      I am.

      • McG ⚽⚽ April 23, 2017 at 5:11 pm

        Will?

  • The Great White Hope April 23, 2017 at 5:05 pm

    Shudda scored with that header.

    • David Dillenberg April 23, 2017 at 5:07 pm

      Arse 2 v Citeh 1
      All over.

      • The Great White Hope April 23, 2017 at 5:08 pm

        Are you watching it on the Radio ?

        • David Dillenberg April 23, 2017 at 5:08 pm

          Guardiola ends up with nothing.

  • The Great White Hope April 23, 2017 at 5:04 pm

    Arsenal still holding their own, Sanchez screaming at his team mates.

    • The Great White Hope April 23, 2017 at 5:05 pm

      Shudda scored with that header.

  • Caspurs♿️ April 23, 2017 at 4:58 pm

    B’llox to stats, my eyes said we were the better team.
    We made 3 critical errors which cost us the game, hey ho, shit happens…

    • Urbane Sturgeon April 23, 2017 at 5:13 pm

      If your team has had far more possession and yet scored half the number of goals than the opposition, that’s proof beyond doubt that yours was the worse side.

  • The Great White Hope April 23, 2017 at 4:57 pm

    We had 11 corners, but they managed to get more into the box.

  • Frontwheel 2 April 23, 2017 at 4:55 pm

    Kante over priced,can’t remember any of that talk.

    • Harry Hotspur April 23, 2017 at 4:57 pm

      That was on the day you were being sectioned.

      • Frontwheel 2 April 23, 2017 at 4:58 pm

        Ah yes

  • Tizzy April 23, 2017 at 4:52 pm

    Of course they will need to tackle more when we have 63% of the possession lol

  • 89Spurs 👁 April 23, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    Hard Cheese, room for more in the tunnel or the brewery!

    • Jim,Newry Spur. April 23, 2017 at 5:54 pm

      Don’t forget the special acoustics that will increase the volume of our joyous singing.

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