The only thing more annoying than the rumours of Harry Kane leaving Tottenham are the Manchester United fans pretending they don’t want him.
Kane will be made available for £200m by Daniel Levy when the transfer window reopens to ease our stadium debts, according to the Daily Mail.
MORE: Rumoured Harry Kane £200m Exit – The Numbers Don’t Add Up
United have been one of the 26-year-old’s long-standing admirers and the Daily Mail namecheck them as his most likely destination, even though Sky Sports have since added that Kane won’t be sold to a Premier League rival.
The Sky report was actually met with relief by some deluded United fans on Twitter, who claim to be content with their strike force of 1 in 3 Marcus Rashford, loan fodder Odion Ighalo and 18-year-old Mason Greenwood.
These two are my favourite bad takes on Kane to United though…
Of Rashford’s 19 goals this season, six have been penalties (32%)
Of Kane’s 17 goals this season, four have been penalties (24%)
So who is the penalty merchant now?
Based on his Spurs ratios, Kane could score 120 goals in three and a half years. United haven’t had a striker who could put up numbers like that since Ruud van Nistelrooy. Even Rooney in his peak wasn’t as prolific.
I’m not trying to convince United to sign Kane, honestly. It’s like when you want people to want your Mrs, but not have her. Know what I mean?