My Handy Translation Of Mourinho’s Latest Post-Match Comments

Those of us that enjoy the benefits of critical thought know that this squad is a mishmash of Pochettino leftovers and rejects. Poor Gedson Fernandes was home before the postcards.

Mourinho versus the reality of being a Tottenham manager has finally struck home. That’s not a barbed dig at anyone, it’s a statement of regrettable fact, an awareness of just how low we’ve sunk. For me, football remains very tribal. Clubs can attempt to gentrify things, but that’s not the natural order of things. Being a fan of a certain vintage, West Ham is my biggest side (closely followed by Chelsea) when it comes to well-earned contempt, after decades of personally witnessing an endless series of despicable anti-Semitic activity against both my Jewish and non-Jewish friends. Therefore, if anyone ought to be fuming after failing to even compete against The Hammers this lunchtime, I’d consider myself someone who would be due a spot near the front of the outraged consumer queue right now.

Here then is my take on a few of Mourinho’s post-match comments, which come via the Press Association’s Jonathan Veal.

When you make mistakes you can say you deserve to be punished so when we made two defensive mistakes, especially the nature of the second goal, you deserve to be punished.

I’m actually losing my mind with this lot. I can’t play Toby Alderweireld every game because he’s 31-years of age. That said, I guess I should be relieved Mr. Levy didn’t leave me Jan Vertonghen as well while he was at it – he’s still only 33. Eric Dier actually asked to play in central defence, you wouldn’t know that by watching him, eh?

“Nine points is difficult. In the Europa League we are alive and is a window of opportunity that is open for us.”

All I can hope for at this stage is for us to keep being fed pub sides and hope that if this sorry lot were to be given another bite at a European final, some self-respect might kick in. Hope is all we have at this stage.

Mine and my coaching staff’s methods are second to none in the world.

A good spiritualist would struggle to get in touch with the remains of Pochettino’s Globetrotters. Mr. Levy didn’t bring us here to fix the taps, so if there is a leak, we won’t be able to solve that situation either.