Gladys has the numbers.
The lowest paid boys from White Hart Lane in 2017 are currently Harry Winks, No’Cluedo and Josh Onomah all on £22,000.
Prediction: Winks will become a pivotal player for us, the French dumb dumb will be sold and Onomah will be loaned before fizzling into obscurity.
Vorm is on £20,000.
Conclusion: This is where Levy found the extra pennies to make Hugo so well paid.
Vincent Janssen is on £25,000.
Prediction: His salary is massive big factor in him getting a second season.
Danny ‘The Interview’ Rose, Ben Davies and Kevin Wimmer are both on £30,000.
Conclusion: Mmmmn. No wonder Rose is bitchin’.
Kieran Trippier and Eric Dier are on £38,000.
Prediction: With Bonzo out the way he could well be in for a tidy pay rise.
Dele Alli’s on £50,000.
Prediction: He’s perfectly poised to demand more.
Wanyama, Lamela and Bonzo are all on £70,000.
Conclusion: Wanyama’s agent needs to pull his finger out.
Toby and Eriksen are both on £75,000.
Prediction: These two will test Levy’s resolve.
Dembele is on £82,000.
Prediction: He’ll end his days with us.
Son is on £85,000.
Conclusion: No wonder he can’t stop smiling.
The waste of flesh that is Sissoko is on £95,000.
Conclusion: Draw your bloody own.
Kane and Verts are both on £100,000.
As per Glad’s ITK last week on our best paid player, I give you Hugo Loris. On £120,000.