Hugo Lloris – We used Pickfords to move once. Dad called them ‘Smash & Carry’ afterwards. Although he was also heard to add, ‘Thank Christ we don’t own anything of value’. Hugo’s distribution echoes that experience.
Bonzo – Some solid stuff like the clearance, but still some Bonzoid stuff too. And that’s the killer. Until he grows a brain, everything he does is counterbalanced by the dumbness factor. Being fleet of foot does not make up for being a fundamentally mentally challenged chimpanzee.
Dier – Did not have a bad game. Didn’t change the game or do anything memorably positive against a Premier League side that will, alongside Stoke be vying for the Premier League’s wooden spoon.
Toby – He’s our best player.
Verts – How awfully good of him to pitch in.
Wanyama – He does what he does adequately.
Mousa – Look, he’s capable of mind bending brilliance. We didn’t get anything close to that against that lot. Nothing close.
Lamela – everyone hates him. I don’t.
Sissy – Did a few things in the ‘Bayonet’s Fixed!’ business at the very beginning, but all I saw generally was a Sports Direct deal.
Delle – A bumbling mess.
Son – Beginning to look RELENTLESS against rubbish.
Kane – A timely crocking.
Vinny – I suggest we all draw breath on the boy. He was inexpensive and he’ll need some love, come the next few weeks.