Few Positives: Realistic Player Ratings Against West Ham

Guglielmo Vicario 5

Looks physically a tad fragile, but I’d be delighted to review this in a real game. This was not a real game. Let down by his defenders, which was extremely reminiscent of a real game. Let two in.

Brandon Austin 5

Only let one in but under much less pressure as a largely unchanged West Ham tired.

Emerson Royal 5

Lively and gormless in equal measure.

Ben Davies 2

Please just go away.

Pedro Porro 5

That’s not an inspiring score, but one based on how he was played, as opposed to how I imagine he might play. I would be delighted to stop banging this ‘play him as a winger’ drum.

Cristian Romero 5

Looked a tad too relaxed for my liking.

Sergio Reguilon 4

Why oh why? Oh, I know, because he’s unsellable. Looked bright initially and then fizzled out. What a shocker.

Oliver Skipp 4

Lots of crazy upbeat stuff from the in-house commentator who reminded me so much of Anton Diffring as the propagandist commentator in Escape to Victory. The phrase that was wheeled out lots was ‘attacked the ball’.

‘Attack’ soon became another word for ‘lost’, ‘failed to reach’, and various other phrasings which actually meant failure.

Skipp saw plenty of the ball, but sadly it revealed him as inadequate in attacking positions.

Destiny Udogie 6

A decent start, and a tremendous goal. More, please.

Pape Matar Sarr 4

Quite busy, but looks lightweight.

Yves Bissouma 5

The Brighton man will be hailed by many as our midfield dynamo. He’s certainly had the burden of Conte lifted from his shoulders but in these 45 minutes, we saw nothing of great quality.

Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg 6

Appeared to be ‘on message’ with Big Ange, nothing outstanding to report.

Giovani Lo Celso 6

Speaks volumes that he scored and will probably be off.

James Maddison 6

This is a player we undoubtedly need to see more of. James is a quality player, this wasn’t a classic cameo, but who cares? Nobody. Nobody cares. More, please.