The disappearance of Erik Lamela from public life was mildly puzzling, but since no less than two attempts by Tottenham Hotspur Football Club to pass off photos of him taken last year as recent snaps, this has officially turned his absence into a mystery.
Here are my 3 theories surrounding his unexplained disappearance.
SCIENTOLOGYReligions attract vulnerable people. Footballers are notoriously flakey, Adebayor converted to Islam shortly before being released by Spurs.
The Cult of Scientology is based on the idea of clearing the human psyche of ‘negative’ emotions and memories, intense therapy sessions and the repeated use use machines called E meters.
Has Erik Lamela joined Tom Cruise and gone Thetan?
Joining a religion is relatively straightforward, however getting out of one can prove somewhat trickier. Scientology’s Sea Org allegedly has a special place for people who aren’t conforming, called ‘The Hole’.
SEX CHANGE This is not quite as outrageous as it sounds. Gender dysphoria is on the up.
Since 2000, the number of men who have transitioned from male to female has tripled. In the first decade of the millennium over 800 men have gone gender bender in the UK.
Aside from any other complications, the process is not a quick one and hormone therapy needs to start a year before the surgeon starts looking for his tool kit.
It must be said that this is pretty unlikely explanation as the average age for a man having a sex change operation is currently 42.
HEALTH & SAFETY This theory would kill two birds with one stone. Nobody can work out what’s up with Lamela or why Spurs bought Vincent Janssen.
Is it possible that Erik was fed a goal net in tomato sauce disguised to look like spaghetti? Could what started off as harmless prank have ended with tragic consequences?
The Dutchman was recently seen shifting a large heavy suitcase at night, when footballers are generally seen only clutching designer wash bags at most. Coincidence?
