BREAKING LIKE THE WIND
Nick From Enfield Wins The Internet

Nick From Enfield Wins The Internet

Our impending destiny with doom that is trip to the Estadio da Luz tomorrow night, draws closer.

Not only have we a 1-3 scoreline to iron out, but we also have to combat another list (as long as your arm) of injured/suspended players. Michael Dawson, Younes Kaboul, Ettiene Capoue, Mousa Dembele, Erik Lamela, Vlad Chiriches and Jan Vertonghen are all currently unavailable for selection.

A cursory glance at that list reveals that we are set to play a must win match against a free scoring, pressing side without the services of an acknowledged centreback.

Zeki Fryers is a player with promising future ahead of him. He must be wondering how he drew the short straw to give an upbeat interview ahead of this game.

Nick’s response made me laugh. I need all the laughs I can get right now.

BADGE

Comments
  • Tim's Gilet March 19, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    I’ve got this

    • realfan? March 19, 2014 at 4:57 pm

      …magic cloak called ‘The Gilet of Passion’. I’ll get all the players to put it on before the game tomorrow and we will get stuck into them, all blood and thunder!

  • James March 19, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    Considering we need to win by 2 clear goals, no matter how many we concede, it would seem to me sacrificing centre backs might be an absolute gem of a tactic. 10-8 to us and we are through… I for one will not worry a jot if we are 3,4 or 5 down at half time, because I know away goals count for extra and we will simply need 5,6 or 7 goals in the second half to go through!

    • TriniSpurs March 19, 2014 at 5:33 pm

      The reverse scoreline required at a minimum for extra time. If it finishes 2-0 to us we are out.

    • Hot_Spur March 19, 2014 at 11:00 pm

      We need to win by THREE clear goals, two is not enough, Benfica already have three AWAY goals.

      • Harry Hotspur March 19, 2014 at 11:30 pm

        Dis.

  • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 4:31 pm

    Can you lot see us pulling a Chelsea when they were down 3-1 to Napoli?

    That Meireles goal still haunts me, that was the luckiest shot ever and it went in…..

    • Eton Trifle March 19, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      as nick from enfield once said…..

      • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 4:43 pm

        Enlighten me

        • Eton Trifle March 19, 2014 at 4:50 pm

          seriously?

          • andyspur March 19, 2014 at 10:57 pm

            he doesn’t read the posts ,just comes on hear to impart his vast knowledge of the game

  • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 4:36 pm
  • Eton Trifle March 19, 2014 at 4:41 pm

    I take no delight in saying we are nailed on to lose this leg of the tie by at least two goals.

  • thenight March 19, 2014 at 4:42 pm

    Never fear. I’m sure Desperate Dan will have a plan.

    • James March 19, 2014 at 4:46 pm

      I refer you to my post above

    • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 7:51 pm

      Don’t tell Les – he’ll throw it out the window!

  • dannyspurs March 19, 2014 at 4:48 pm

    Easy.

    Naughton – Walker – Fryers – Rose at the back – pace will be needed

    Sandro – your best is good enough

    Everyone else bomb forward (Lennon, Erkisen, Twonsend, Ade & Bobby).

    If they get any corners, we are in trouble.

    Simple!

    • James March 19, 2014 at 4:50 pm

      Is it illegal to have soldaldo on ade’s shoulders near post and naughton on sandros in the centre?

      • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 5:00 pm

        Is it illegal for John Terry to screw Wayne Bridge’s wife?

      • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 8:15 pm

        It was good enough for Seb and Bill.

  • richspurs March 19, 2014 at 5:01 pm

    spurs 2013/2014
    R.I.P.

    • Spursgoliath March 19, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      yup

  • Jol 5:5 March 19, 2014 at 5:03 pm

    One – One. Bentaleb after 25 minutes. Benefica send out their youth squad to avoid yellow cards in Europa and to avoid injuries to senior players needed for their title run. Of course, Bobby Soldier could surprise us one of these days – maybe soon.

  • Spursgoliath March 19, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    The Caulker sale was very silly if it was known that Kaboul was going to be the next Ledley King, constantly in and out of the side.

    Too many walking wounded have been seeing out games, and too many key men brought back too early – I guess we we going all out ‘every game is a cup final’ attitude. Risky stuff. Could have been even worse, patched up Ade has just about kept on going.

    • Bobbles March 19, 2014 at 5:17 pm

      Everyone says that, but I’m sure £9m seemed like a very good deal at the time, and from what I’ve seen of him at Cardiff, the possibility exists that it was.

  • 61-Spurs-Nut March 19, 2014 at 5:13 pm

    Ah still say free-nil to us guv

  • Bobbles March 19, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    Well, it seems unlikely, but the pressure is off. We could conceivably get to 2-0 up after an hour – just enough to make us start believing in miracles, enough for that little pilot light of hope to start flickering once more.

    They will then undoubtedly throw it all away on a counter attack or crappy back pass with 10 minutes to go.

    Standard.

  • YidinExile March 19, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    Have any of you seen us score 2 goals a game and not concede ? , excluding that one-off at the Barcodes ? this is obviously a rhetorical question, yes, we managed to score more than 2 against Soton , and 2 past Yawnited. But we conceded. Besides an honest-to-goodness miraculous night tomorrow at Lisbon, we will deservedly vacate the European stage once again. I would rather have him use this game for giving fringe players a chance, never mind the result. Not that we have anything to play for in the league but….

    I’d like us to ruin Liverpool’s chances of winning anything in two weeks’ time, that about sums it up.

    roll on the new season…

  • on the shelf in 84 March 19, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    So it comes down to this, needing a huge away win in the Europa to save any face for this season with half of the squad out for one reason or another and needing players to play out of position or have kids fill in the gaps.
    Pathetic mismanagement by both AVB ‘I only want 4 center backs; we have 5 so one has to go, and I don’t need a LB because Jan can cover there’ and TS ‘no Daniel I don’t need any reinforcements in January we have a great squad’

    • YidinExile March 19, 2014 at 5:38 pm

      Just for the record, I never believed that Daniel offered Tim the opportunity to buy new player, it was only his way of showing that he believed in the squad, regardless, i can’t stand Tim S. his gilet and hos gizzard, Sir Lord Protector Les & Co. this is way beyond mismanagement, if we were a state, an investigatory committee would be created for investigating how the fak we ended up where we did.

      • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 5:46 pm

        I agree. Why would he not offer AVB any reinforcements last winter when he was backed (we could’ve gotten Moutinho or Damiao) and then offer them to Timmy this year with no backing

        • YidinExile March 19, 2014 at 6:00 pm

          Simple, he didn’t !!! Tim is a lousy reverse psychologist.

          P.S.
          the only way we are ever going to get into the top4 on a regular basis is to produce world class homegrown talent.

          • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 6:33 pm

            yes or we get mega lucky like Liverpool when they spend 30 mil on two players that end up becoming 40 million players

            • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 6:33 pm

              and then 80 mil for suarez

              • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 7:18 pm

                We spent 10 million on a player who we sold for 90 million. Look what we did with the money!

                • Harry Hotspur March 19, 2014 at 7:33 pm

                  Somebody’s got to pay for the chairman’s Indian head massages.

                  • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 7:34 pm

                    The scrotum or the skull?

                    • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 8:19 pm

                      It does have a lovely shine, all that buffing and you can see your face in it.

                    • Harry Hotspur March 19, 2014 at 9:22 pm

                      The perineum.

  • Paulb March 19, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    For the rest of this season Spurs will be running out to Tim’s ringtone, Gallagher and Lyle, “heart on my sleeve” ;

    I wear my heart on my sleeve,
    Brain in my pance,
    I’m not afraid to say what i mean,
    Mean what i say.
    I set myself up, let myself down,
    I may be a fool to spread it around.
    But i just wanna let you know,
    Sometimes i find it so hard not to show,
    So i sigh and i let my feelings go.

  • Sean March 19, 2014 at 5:41 pm

    3-3-4
    Dembele & Sandro either side of Fryers as centre-backs
    Paulinho-Bentaleb
    Eriksen
    Townsend-Adebayor-Soldado-Lennon

    Might as well lose 6-3 instead of 3-0

    ;)

    • realfan? March 19, 2014 at 5:56 pm

      We used to play 2-3-5 at school in the 70s (2 Centre Backs)…maybe it’s time for a resurrection?

      • Dublin Yid March 19, 2014 at 6:33 pm

        Yes defend from the front. Touché !!!

  • thenight March 19, 2014 at 6:06 pm

    13 years of hurt and desperate Dan still leading.
    Money is on the first goal coming from our left back position, ie Chelsea and arsenal and bla bla bla.
    Lets go sign some midfielders.

  • Willie! March 19, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    By jove, I’ve got it:

    ——- Friedel ——
    Naughty Gomes Lloris
    —-Sandro—Dembele
    Lennon Eriksen Chadli
    ——–Bob——–
    ———Ade———–

  • Dublin Yid March 19, 2014 at 6:31 pm

    We need a bit of jammy Chelsea luck. Dannyspurs is spot on !! Hoof it up get in their 3rd as much as possible. Press them in numbers. If we take the pressure off ourselves and enjoy it you never know.

  • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    HEEEEY why don’t we buy back Caulker from Cardiff when they get relegated? For like 2m

  • Dublin Yid March 19, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    Good call !! Worth a look

  • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    STEVEN CAULKER according to the Squawka app has:
    -5 MOTM awards
    -5 Man in Team awards
    -3 Best Defense awards
    -2 Best Attack awards
    -1 Worst Attack award

    STATS
    -54% Tackle Success Rate
    -69% Aerial Duel Success Rate
    -6/14 Been Fouled/Commited Foul
    -1 Yellow Card, 0 Reds
    -4 Goals Scored
    -ZERO Total Defensive Errors (leading to an attempt OR goal)

    I’m astounded….

    • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 6:48 pm

      We should seriously buy him back when Cardiff get relegated, it would be another steal “a la Robbie Keane”

    • andyspur March 19, 2014 at 11:02 pm

      that’s 46% unsuccessful tackles and 31% unsuccessful aerial duels ,not what im looking for in a centre back really Kiri

      • Kirillus March 20, 2014 at 1:53 am

        Ummm did you look a the stats I posted below on the PL’s best defenders?

  • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    Who says Jan has been shit this year? He’s actually really good aerially…..

    AERIAL DUELS
    Vertonghen: 73%
    Kompany: 73%
    Mertesacker: 71%
    Cahill: 70%
    Caulker: 69%
    Skrtel: 68%
    Kaboul: 65%
    Dawson: 63%
    Terry: 63%
    Koscielny: 56%
    Chiriches: 43%

    TACKLES
    Cahill: 61%
    Kaboul: 60%
    Koscielny: 60%
    Vertonghen: 56%
    Caulker: 54%
    Mertesacker: 52%
    Skrtel:L 52%
    Chiriches: 51%
    Terry: 50%
    Kompany: 48%
    Dawson: 43%

  • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    Have we spent the Bake money yet?

    Harry Hotspur
    Somebody’s got to pay for the chairman’s Indian head massages.

    • realfan? March 19, 2014 at 8:35 pm

      How much was it? Enough for a bag of doughnuts?

  • steve smollensky March 19, 2014 at 8:08 pm

    dim sherwood said “no players will be signed without my say so” earlier today, i almost wet myself laughing

    • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 8:11 pm

      Just at Spurs? Or every team in the country?

    • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 8:22 pm

      I has the same reaction

  • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    By the way Boy Hotspur – Canvey Island is not ‘abroad’.

    • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 8:33 pm

      But there are a lot of broads on Canvey island.

      • Steveo1987 March 19, 2014 at 8:44 pm

        as in Norfolk?

        • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 9:03 pm

          Err, not quite, Steveo…

    • Harry Hotspur March 19, 2014 at 9:21 pm

      It fakin ought to be.

      • longrangesniper March 19, 2014 at 9:39 pm

        Wish it was. We used to go training there each year, running up and down dunes for our off season sharpener.

        Would have made us feel like professionals if it was abroad..

        • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 10:16 pm

          Ronwols abroad now isn’t he? Ouch that must’ve hurt!

  • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 8:31 pm
    • Frontwheel 2 March 19, 2014 at 8:44 pm

      I bet he’s a 5 foot virgin with a big right arm bicep who can’t even swim.

      • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 9:04 pm

        Isn’t that most of us on here ?

        • Frontwheel 2 March 19, 2014 at 9:45 pm

          I’m sure most of us can swim.

          • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 10:21 pm

            I have a bicep on my right arm.

  • realfan? March 19, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    Strange goings-on indeed:

    The Deuce appears to have been given a 2-match ban for “slapping a man in the groin”. Just to be clear, I believe this happened during an actual game of football.

    Clint insisted, perhaps even with a glint in his eye: “To be honest with you. I felt a hand on my back. I tried to hit it away and thought I was hitting his hand away. I understand that maybe I did catch him a little bit. I apologized to him about that, but for me, all I was trying to do was smack his hand from touching my back.”

    • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 9:34 pm

      he should be playing water polo, not football

    • Frontwheel 2 March 19, 2014 at 8:46 pm

      I bet he’s never been to Fenchurch street station.

  • superspoz March 19, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    …and that, as much as anything else, led to my drinking problem…

  • realfan? March 19, 2014 at 8:56 pm

    Bit slow on here tonight, must be handover soon.

    • realfan? March 19, 2014 at 9:06 pm

      Hartley?

    • Frontwheel 2 March 19, 2014 at 9:46 pm

      The Scottish tranny?Can’t remember his name.

      • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 9:48 pm

        Horny Helen ? Was he a Timothy ? HH will let us know.

        • Frontwheel 2 March 19, 2014 at 9:50 pm

          Horny Helen,Bingo

          • Harry Hotspur March 19, 2014 at 9:52 pm

            That’s the fella. Er lady. Civil servant, if I recall correctly.

            • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 9:54 pm

              Must admit I did find his posts very amusing, recall he took umbrage when you outed him.

              A month or so ago there was a guy on here called Camp Freddie, who posted in that vein.

              • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 10:19 pm

                Thats right. Timothy the Scottish civil servant. When Hotspur outted him he came back pretending to be his own furious girlfriend.

                • Harry Hotspur March 19, 2014 at 10:23 pm

                  Ministry of fisheries of something. He was bonkers.

                • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 10:27 pm

                  Currently managing a London premier league football team.

    • ronwol196061 March 19, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      Was sure he was playing as a striker for Zenit today

  • Hand March 19, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    As we are off footy tonight and the rest of the season I may as we’ll tell you that a bloke tried to let out a sneaky one on the train tonight and ended up a trumpet….never seen someone go as red in my life….v funny and evil at the same time

    • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 9:10 pm

      Name that tune …

    • 61-Spurs-Nut March 19, 2014 at 10:10 pm

      Pump up the volume

  • Hand March 19, 2014 at 9:14 pm

    Wind beneath my wings

    • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 9:24 pm

      Was expecting something by Earth Wind and Fire.

      • Hand March 19, 2014 at 9:27 pm

        Lol…..this will do moyes the world of good tonight

      • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 9:33 pm

        Boogie Wonderland?

        I LOVE EW&F btw. 70’s and 80’s music <3

    • Limerick AL March 19, 2014 at 9:28 pm

      Wind beneath my Ring.

    • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 9:29 pm

      Poops up side the head.

    • longrangesniper March 19, 2014 at 9:34 pm

      Trumpet Involuntary

      • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 9:44 pm

        Something in the air tonight.. Believe Phil Collins is a Spurs supporter.

        • ronwol196061 March 19, 2014 at 10:55 pm

          He is. But I am reminded of our team when he sings ‘The Roof is Leaking’

      • Kirillus March 20, 2014 at 1:31 am

        Strumpet Voluntary

  • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 9:33 pm

    Spurstacus
    Kirillus, are you on Facebook?
    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/03/19/article-2584503-1C6952C900000578-212_634x444.jpg

    Ironically, I haven’t gotten a birthday present or a Christmas present in four years but that’s because I’m not a greedy little cnut and I insist that my parents get me nothing when they ask me what I want. I’m grateful for a roof over my head and food on the table. I don’t need presents.

    • ronwol196061 March 19, 2014 at 10:54 pm

      I uderstand they kicked you out in the first place and they wont let you back in and you started to cheer for Croatia

  • longrangesniper March 19, 2014 at 9:36 pm

    I can’t help thinking that Timmy is tactically naive. We should adopt the Yanited and Chelsea tactic of surrounding the referee at every halt in play to demand yellow cards and moan like bitches.

    • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 9:52 pm

      Thought Terry was reffing that game last night.

  • DAVID March 19, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    Missed the interviews today but believe TS had another pop at Jerry Springer ahead of tomorrows game.

    Wonder what odds I can get from Paddy Power on a fight breaking out.

    • longrangesniper March 19, 2014 at 10:43 pm

      Timmy says he has no respect for Jesus.

      But he will shake his hand because Benfica is a big club…

      YAWN

      • ronwol196061 March 19, 2014 at 10:52 pm

        You mean he has gone off of Benteleb?

  • ronwol196061 March 19, 2014 at 10:40 pm

    Fryers,another one of those geezers that talks bigger than he plays

    • longrangesniper March 19, 2014 at 10:45 pm

      Like all these players who spout crap about how the lads are up for it, great squad, will make top four, love the Gaffer, etc.

      I’m sure it must be in their contracts to talk to the media, but I wish they would ALL shut the hell up and do their talking on the pitch for a change.

      • ronwol196061 March 19, 2014 at 10:48 pm

        Ive never heard it as much as now.We will come forth they said.I wasnt sure if they were talking biblical or Kirillus.

        • longrangesniper March 19, 2014 at 10:49 pm

          Kirillus comes first. Which is why he has troubles getting laid

          • ronwol196061 March 19, 2014 at 10:51 pm

            I think he comes during the beginning negotiations with her

            • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 10:57 pm

              No guys, I come to the girls first l, but I cum last ;)

    • ronwol196061 March 19, 2014 at 10:49 pm

      Very much a look alike.Personally I would take either one of them.

    • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 11:17 pm

      Why are your links always ginormous?

      • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 11:19 pm

        He’s overcompensating ;)

    • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 11:19 pm

      Kirillus was asking after you yesterday. He lumped you in with some of the other nutters. Side Show Bob, Milky Bar Yid. Kindred spirts eh?

      • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 11:20 pm

        I just hadn’t seen him in a while. Melcyd isn’t boisterous eh? Didn’t know why I though so… Probably cuz if the similarity between MilkBarYid’s name and his

        • melcyid March 19, 2014 at 11:49 pm

          what about your alleged similarity between you and Gomez?

          • Kirillus March 20, 2014 at 12:28 am

            Spurstacus or meself?

  • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 10:59 pm

    Do you guys think we would have made top four without a doubt last year if Levy hadn’t jewed out and we actually bought Moutinho?

  • Kirillus March 19, 2014 at 11:04 pm

    Ron’s gonna love this:

    Joao Moutinho 2013-14:
    31 Apps, 1 goal, 8 assists

    Lewis Holtby 2013-14:
    31 Apps, 6 goals, 8 assists

    If LVG comes in he’s unleashing Holtby as a deep lying playmaker

  • Spurstacus March 19, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    Harry Hotspur
    The perineum.

    Exclusive Club The Perineum. Lovely place for tea.

    • Harry Hotspur March 19, 2014 at 11:29 pm

      Makes the Savoy look like a greasy spoon.

      • Kirillus March 20, 2014 at 1:52 am

        Harry Hotspur
        The perineum.

        The ‘penis’rineum?

        • Kirillus March 20, 2014 at 1:52 am

          oops wrong place lol

  • Kirillus March 20, 2014 at 12:27 am

    I’ve thought about it hard today and I’ve come to the realisation that our main problem in attack has been that we have been using goalscoring forwards as wingers.

    Lamela, Chadli and even Eriksen are not wingers. They are our three best attacking midfielders/forwards. Why not use them as such? Our squad is built for a narrow counter attacking 4-3-3. We tick ALL of the boxes for it:

    -Strong ball-winning but technically gifted midfielders (Dembele, Paulinho, Capoue, Sandro)
    -Deep lying playmaker (Holtby)
    -Aerially dominant central defenders (Vertonghen, Kaboul, Dawson)
    -Fast fullbacks (Walker, Rose)
    -Fast, creative, goalscoring attackers (Lamela, Chadli, Eriksen, Siggy to some extent too)
    -Technically gifted strikers (Soldado, Ade)

    It’s beyond me (like most) why Timmy and AVB persist with the high-line… It’s the stupidest, FACKING defensive method possible. You have to work as a unit (if one of four messes up you’re screwed) and even if you get it right the linesman can still mess it up for you. Not to mention that employing a high line severely limits the amount of space our midfielders have to operate in.

    We HAVE the players to be a fast counter attacking team, more so than almost anybody else in the PL (Chelsea is now better suited for it thanks to the arrivals of Hazard, Eto’o, Oscar, Schurrle and Willian). Holtby and Eriksen can provide that creative spark to spring a counter attack out of nothing. Who else has a deep play playmaker in the PL? Maybe Liverpool in the form of Gerrard. We can have two.

    It really is pathetic the way our squad is being used. It’s being employed to completely limit it’s effectiveness. It’s sad frankly. We’ve had two managers in a row without an ounce of tactical/positional nous. I bet you LVG is licking his chops at the prospect of turning an actually really talented squad made to look like complete losers by two incompetent twerps, into a death machine of victory.

    In the meantime, this is what I would do with a relatively full squad):

    ———————Lloris
    Walker – Kaboul – Vertong – Fryers
    —Sandro — Eriksen — Dem/Pau
    Lamela ——- Sol/Ade ——- Chadli

    -Marking (ditch he high-line)
    -Quick one-touch passing (lots of give and go’s)
    -Striker plays off the defender’s shoulder
    -Fullbacks do not go up unless major counter attacking opportunity presents itself
    -Ball goes through Eriksen, Paulinho or Holtby to attackers, not Dembele, Sandro or Capoue.
    -Press the ball once opposition crosses half and look to spring counter attack. Attacking midfielder on opposite side of the ball pushes up to the last defender and wait on his shoulder for through ball, same with striker. Play narrow, invite crosses from bad positions.
    -Hugo stays on his line

  • Kirillus March 20, 2014 at 1:54 am

    Harry Hotspur
    The perineum.

    The ‘penis’rineum?

  • Kirillus March 20, 2014 at 3:20 am

    I take back what I said about Siggy. He is obviously a good player. Like Chadli, and Lamela, he’s been completely misused and played out of position so I can’t really rip on him. He’s not a winger, he’s an attacker. This is what I would like to see for Benfica:

    ——————-Friedel
    Freder – Naught – Fryers – Rosey
    —- Eriksen – Sandro – Bentaleb —-
    ——————-Siggy
    ———–Soldado – Chadli

    Thoughts??

  • Aside from cerebrospinal fluid, what's on your mind?

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