Date: 1st December 2012 at 3:49pm
Written by:

Good morning.

As the new site is busy being assembled by some of Broadmoor’s finest minds my thanks to Last Man Back and 3& for their kind offer to provide a temporary gig. Speaking of people of no fixed abode where better to kick off than the first Premier League game on this week’s card…

West Ham vs Chelsea will see the Porn Barons rubbing their hands at the prospect of getting something here. Comparing the form from both sides last 6 games the Ammers are the only ones with a win to their name. The painfully obvious issue here is goals. Roman has installed his 37th manager since shelling out £50m on the hopeless hermaphrodite the call Fernando Torres. Andy Carroll has been equally naff and in a game bathed in money it’s laughable that £85m has been wasted on two strikers who mostly, don’t.

West Ham will be looking to nick this by an odd goal and disrupting any finesse that Rafa might wish to offer with Fat Sam’s Dambuster’s approach. Spurs fans watching this could be in for some good comedy value here. Prediction? 1-2.

Arsenal play Swansea and form wise you couldn’t really put a cigarette paper between the pair. They’ve a point between them in the league. The Gunners are mounting a black scarf protest today. Looking at their aims here it looks like an out-take from a Monty Python sketch. I can see Swansea doing a job here today. This could get messy. Prediction 1-3.

Fulham away for us then. BMJ’s mob have only scored 1 goal in their last 3 games which either says they’ve got out of the habit or they’re due some. Eek. Defoe will play and let’s hope we do more more than suddenly remember that he’s there after 60 minutes and start vaguely hoofing the ball towards him. Bale and Azza Blud need to seriously join in. If they do then Moussa can get stuck in and we can do some damage here.

There’s a cramped feel to the pitch at Craven Cottage and it’s vital we move and get creative. A poorly Caulker should feature and I’d really like to see Tom Carroll given a start before Sandro suffers a complete breakdown having to carry Thudd for another 95 minutes. Oh yes, Mr Foy is the referee. Prediction 1-3.

Liverpool host Southampton and despite any grumbling and whining to the contrary by Brentdon Rodgers this is all about Suarez because he doesn’t really have anyone else on his books looking like they know where the goal is. Hence the fact that the bindippers have been drawing a lot of games. Henc the fact that they’re mid-table. The Saints are in their own world of pain but have to be cheered seeing Sunderland, Newcastle, QPR, Villa and Reading all looking equally sad. Prediction? 3-0.

City face Everton which I am sure Mr Mancini will be delighted about. He’s seems to be delighted about something every week. Everton have gone off the boil a bit but I think there’s a score draw here for them. Prediction? 2-2.

QPR take on Villa and old Arry’s problem of course that he needs 10 wins or as near as dammit to stay up. Cold hard points is what it’s all about now. If he can do that then he’ll be checked for stigmata. Lambert is also a man on a mission so this might not be pretty viewing but the full time score will be unforgiving. Prediction? 0-2.

West Brom vs Stoke isn’t a game anyone in their right mind will be watching but the result will be important. Prediction? 2-2.

Reading at home to United could turn into a horrible wrought. I’d love it to be a coupon buster but why would it? Top play second to bottom. Reading could nick a goal I suppose, but it’s just wishing. Prediction? Nailed on away win.

Norwich vs Sunderland. Oh dear, this could be a long old game. Has a draw as the obvious result but you’d like to think Clipboard Chris could get more. Maybe. With bit of luck. You know. Prediction 1-1.

The Premier League’s forgotten men Newcastle host the Premier League’s forgettable men Wigan. After a bright start to the season, the Toon have flat-lined. They earned 1 point in November. A single point. They lost to Southampton, Swansea, Stoke and West Ham. There’s a problem at that club and if someone doesn’t step in there is zero reason why they won’t soon join all the other lost souls in the drop zone. Prediction? 1-0. Maybe.

  • Aside from cerebrospinal fluid, what's on your mind?

  • Ronnie Wolman December 12, 2012 at 2:28 am

    Just a Hunch


    Shhhh dont tell anyone

    have a nicker on it