A belated player ratings. If you don’t care for any of the remarks and of feel they don’t match up with an ultimately valiant performance, then you truly didn’t sit through the first 88 minutes of largely unmitigated tomfoolery.
Ratings also include the last 6 minutes of the game.
Vorm – Kids who throw pizza menus in the local river rather than put them through letterboxes have better distribution skills. Do we actually have a goal keeping coach, did Barry Daines die in vain?
Bonzo – ‘When will they make it stop, daddy?’ Can’t cross, can’t shoot, can’t count to 15 without prompting. Absolutely sick and tired of his speed and whatever else it is that gormless people see in him. Pass it to someone with a brain, son.
Dier – One of those games where he looked like he was playing for England. I know that’s harsh, but it had to be said by someone.
Verts/Toby – They’ve both put in better shifts than this, but they kept a lid on most of what was thrown at them.
Davies – A reversion to type.
Mousa – Lots of trundling about, perhaps some marauding would have elevated his performance a tad?
Eriksen – I tell you what he’s a bit of an old fox when we’re playing muck. You simply can’t take your eye off him! As with Mousa, he appeared to need time to grow into this game, which is somewhere between bizarre and depressing. Lots of very good things, and yet we still get corners that look like a 12 year old took them.
Dele/Son – 88 minutes of Only Fools & Horses, followed by 6 minutes of Fortitude. I don’t know what goes on in their minds and I don’t want to know. If football doesn’t work out for them, they could always get work as presenters on the Haribo Channel (if such a thing exists).
Sissoko – Slovenly garbage.
Vinny – Who knew it, he just needs a run out. Maybe somebody made a mental note of this breathtaking revelation and might mention it to Poch.