Tottenham Hotspur

BOGOF Player Ratings

BOGOF Player Ratings

A belated player ratings. If you don’t care for any of the remarks and of feel they don’t match up with an ultimately valiant performance, then you truly didn’t sit through the first 88 minutes of largely unmitigated  tomfoolery.

Ratings also include the last 6 minutes of the game.

Vorm – Kids who throw pizza menus in the local river rather than put them through letterboxes have better distribution skills. Do we actually have a goal keeping coach, did Barry Daines die in vain?

Bonzo – ‘When will they make it stop, daddy?’ Can’t cross, can’t shoot, can’t count to 15 without prompting. Absolutely sick and tired of his speed and whatever else it is that gormless people see in him. Pass it to someone with a brain, son.

Dier – One of those games where he looked like he was playing for England. I know that’s harsh, but it had to be said by someone.

Verts/Toby – They’ve both put in better shifts than this, but they kept a lid on most of what was thrown at them.

Davies – A reversion to type.

Mousa – Lots of trundling about, perhaps some marauding would have elevated his performance a tad?

Eriksen – I tell you what he’s a bit of an old fox when we’re playing muck. You simply can’t take your eye off him! As with Mousa, he appeared to need time to grow into this game, which is somewhere between bizarre and depressing. Lots of very good things, and yet we still get corners that look like a 12 year old took them.

Dele/Son – 88 minutes of Only Fools & Horses, followed by 6 minutes of Fortitude. I don’t know what goes on in their minds and I don’t want to know. If football doesn’t work out for them, they could always get work as presenters on the Haribo Channel (if such a thing exists).

Sissoko – Slovenly garbage.

Vinny – Who knew it, he just needs a run out. Maybe somebody made a mental note of this breathtaking revelation and might mention it to Poch.

View Comments (56)
Comments
  • Aside from cerebrospinal fluid, what's on your mind?

  • Spursy April 6, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    🍭🍬🍯

    • gloster1861 April 6, 2017 at 11:18 pm

      Never take sweeties from strangers Spursy!

  • Caspurs♿️ April 6, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    A further conundrum, SSG is able to phone me, but when I use his number (from phone call), my texts remain undelivered. Perhaps the problem is my phone/contract, hmmm.

    • The Great White Hope April 6, 2017 at 9:21 pm

      You’re blocked !

    • Freünd or Foe April 6, 2017 at 9:35 pm

      Sounds like a Kent thing to me.

    • Real Fan? April 6, 2017 at 9:36 pm

      Try both using WhatsApp instead. Works across t’interweb or 3G/4G so better for international to international calls and messages…and it’s free.

      • Spurstacus 💋 April 6, 2017 at 9:37 pm

        No product endorsements, thank you.

        • Real Fan? April 6, 2017 at 9:38 pm

          I’m on a commission. Raz taught me how.

      • Caspurs♿️ April 6, 2017 at 9:38 pm

        I tried loading that a couple of weeks ago, but the phone just got confused.

        • Spurstacus 💋 April 6, 2017 at 9:40 pm

          It won’t work on a Motorola StarTAC.

        • Real Fan? April 6, 2017 at 9:42 pm

          You can’t set it up on your landline.

          • Caspurs♿️ April 6, 2017 at 9:46 pm

            Oi! My baked bean tin and string phone is extremely mobile thank you.

    • Spurstacus 💋 April 6, 2017 at 9:42 pm

      You need to unblock international calls.

      • Caspurs♿️ April 6, 2017 at 9:45 pm

        I’m guessing that’s something my provider has to do, couldn’t see that function on the phone.

    • Spurstacus 💋 April 6, 2017 at 9:07 pm

      Glad you enjoyed it.

    • gloster1861 April 6, 2017 at 11:16 pm

      Insightful piece. Author was dead right about Spurs being regarded as a stepping stone to ‘bigger’ clubs.

  • The Great White Hope April 6, 2017 at 9:02 pm

    I’m inclined to think Janssen should start on Saturday, save Son as impact sub on 65 mins, let’s hope Toby is back to his best 3-0 no sweat.

    • Spurstacus 💋 April 6, 2017 at 9:09 pm

      65 mins? Regardless as to what’s gone on before?

      • The Great White Hope April 6, 2017 at 9:10 pm

        Poch is that inflexible !

    • Superspoz 🏆 April 6, 2017 at 8:57 pm

      What does charlie think?

      • Caspurs♿️ April 6, 2017 at 9:08 pm

        Always tell your mother when you go off somewhere …

        • Real Fan? April 6, 2017 at 9:23 pm

          That’s what he says.

          He actually thinks: “I really don’t give a fuck what you kids do. I hate children.”

  • The Great White Hope April 6, 2017 at 8:30 pm

    Watford are the Visitors in Saturdays 12:30 KO, we should be just 4 points off top for at least 5 hours then !
    Overachieving by the bucket load, just imagine what we could have managed had we strengthened in August, we’d have been outta sight !

    • Freünd or Foe April 6, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      Shoulda woulda coulda.

    • SpurAndy 🍒π April 6, 2017 at 8:53 pm

      But what if we had and then chelski had even more?

      • The Great White Hope April 6, 2017 at 8:54 pm

        How could they have ? You can’t surpass perfection !

  • The Great White Hope April 6, 2017 at 8:24 pm

    No complaints from me, spot on ratings SirHarold, you’re actually getting the hang of this Soccer lark !

  • gloster1861 April 6, 2017 at 8:22 pm

    ?color=Black&height=460&width=460&qv=90

    Yours for £17.50 from Cafepress.co.UK, apparently.

    • Harry Hotspur April 6, 2017 at 8:39 pm

      There is no god.

  • Lilywhite without the II April 6, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    Beautiful come back and energy to win the game, luv dat shiiee….as for ratings, i agree 100% with the man upstairs as my stream was worse than a 56k modem..

    • Caspurs♿️ April 6, 2017 at 8:19 pm

      56k modem! Dam you tech heads…

    • Spurstacus 💋 April 6, 2017 at 9:05 pm

      There was a time when I looked down on a 14.4k modem and up to 56.6k.

  • Lilywhite without the II April 6, 2017 at 8:13 pm

    What the bloody bogof is a BOGOF?

    • AntSpurs April 6, 2017 at 8:16 pm

      Bring On Game Of Frones

    • gloster1861 April 6, 2017 at 8:28 pm

      Buy one get one free.

  • IrishSpurs April 6, 2017 at 8:08 pm

    Unleash vinny against the hornets – at least he gives it a go (unlike sissoko)

    • AntSpurs April 6, 2017 at 8:18 pm

      🎵where do you go Sissoko, I wanna know. Where do you go go go oh oh eh oh….Where do you goooooooo 🎵

  • Superspoz 🏆 April 6, 2017 at 8:07 pm

    I saw dele do something that he’s never done before. A 30 yard through ball to eriksen to score that brilliant goal that hardly anyone talks about.

    • Caspurs♿️ April 6, 2017 at 8:14 pm

      It twoz a wuverly pass to be shore..

  • Superspoz 🏆 April 6, 2017 at 8:03 pm

    I want a job in the haribo channel. The gold bear department.

    • Spursy April 6, 2017 at 10:42 pm

      🍭🍬🍯

  • Andrew April 6, 2017 at 7:31 pm

    Vorm’s passing was quality, the defence did brilliantly under pressure a few times. Hearts in mouths moments for the fans, but the defence and Vorm were assured. Eriksen was quality from start to finish. This was a good performance – we did far better in Wales than Chelsea did at home to Palace last week, so I’m not sure what Mr Hotspur expects, other than more traffic to his website for writing his polemic garbage!

    We’ve managed to get so close to Chelsea despite a large injury list and Champs Lg football. That’s the only thing that’s separated Chelsk this year; huge advantage.

    Anyway, I’ll admit to my hypocrisy for constantly reading this blog, if he admits to his soulless lack of a meaningful vocation!

    • DC Hotspur April 6, 2017 at 7:46 pm

      I don’t know about brilliant defense. Too many times, the boys in white were streaming into our final third unopposed….the only difference from Liverpool is that they couldn’t finish the chances. Honestly, for the first 80 minutes it seemed like we were reliving the Liverpool match without the finishing.

    • Freünd or Foe April 6, 2017 at 8:02 pm

      Soulless lack of a meaningful vocation?
      Nonsense, he went to Blackpool not that long ago.

      • Caspurs♿️ April 6, 2017 at 8:16 pm

        Yes, but that was to do his community service.

    • Harry Hotspur April 6, 2017 at 8:17 pm

      Have you stumbled out of a Dickensian novella? What’s my traffic got to do with you? Even I don’t fucking monitor it anymore.

      Do call again, but try less angst.

  • spurs108 April 6, 2017 at 7:22 pm

    Nkoudou came on on the 79th minute as an attacking wing back in the place of Davies and I think he made a big difference. He should keep his place against Watford imo.
    What’s your opinion about his contribution? particularly those who watched the game from stands?

    • Caspurs♿️ April 6, 2017 at 8:17 pm

      I thought he did not a lot..

    • gloster1861 April 6, 2017 at 8:23 pm

      He looks quicker than Davies. Didn’t see him do much though.

    • Harry Hotspur April 6, 2017 at 8:24 pm

      He’s shit, mate.

  • richspurs April 6, 2017 at 7:13 pm

    These buggers. Plodders. Wonder what they were fed at 88mins. Agreed then, motm Vinny. I thought Vorms passing better and more assured than Llorry. If Llorry was there wd woulda conceded one or two more

  • Thepin April 6, 2017 at 7:05 pm

    Walker is as walker does, but I’m increasingly worried about Davies insistence on trying to pass through the oppositions legs, then reeling back in surprise when the ball bounces off them.

  • Spiderneil April 6, 2017 at 7:03 pm

    Geoff hurst

Tottenham Hotspur

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