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Autopsy Of A Dominatrix

By The Boy -

I keep hearing people say that we dominated. By this definition of domination, a dominatrix to these people must be a woman sat opposite them in a waiting room, who steadfastly ignores them, reading a magazine.

*You vicious minx, don’t stop!*

My own reason hit exit velocity from my mind the moment Tim’s face washed in relief, appeared on my TV screen. He was so relieved that one could have mistaken his reaction to achieving no points, as the reaction one might expect from someone achieving one point.

When Tim says, “nobody can say we deserved to lose that game” what does he actually mean? If Sherwood is seeking credit for a game  in which we didn’t collapse, he really has set his sights rather low.

Yes, we were a lot more “in” the game than we have been of late, but yet again, we were unable to convert the possession we had into anything approaching a threat. I had bet on HT Arsenal, FT Spurs. The second half was all about me praying for a comeback. It was never going to happen.

When the Arse beat us at The Emptycrates, they played much better, and as a result beat us by a 2 goal margin.

This time, an injury stricken Arse played in lesser gear yet, but still confined us to us performance that didn’t really inspire much suggestion that we were ever going to win.

Tim actually said that we had “some glorious chances.”

When this doesn’t work out for him, he should apply to work as the Editor on a North Korean sports desk. We had 2 shots on goal, and 15 assorted other goes that were either blocked or off target.

He wouldn’t know a glorious chance, if one were to paint itself pink, dance naked a top a grand piano in his living room, whilst singing “glorious chances are here again!”

I see Naughton garnering praise. MOTM in some quarters.

What we’re witnessing here is football being celebrated for appeasing the lowest common denominator of critic. Credit for not making any mistakes is faint praise to put it mildly. What’s next, appreciation for putting the shirt on round the right way round?

I’ve a confession to share. I’m one of those of people who doesn’t acknowledge motorists who stop at a zebra crossing for me. It’s the law. So no favour has been done. So no thumbs up, or nod of gratitude. “Cheers for not running me over at a place on the road I am legally entitled to walk across!”

So no points for Naughton not making a howler, but instead let’s calmly acknowledge that for perhaps two games in a row he was okay. And this is my point. How does relief morph itself into praise?

So Tim got them all to turn up for a derby. I hope he can find somewhere nice in the house to show off his inevitable CBE.

“The result for Arsenal is gonna paper over a lot of cracks, y’know.”

Yes Tim. I’m sure that 3 points will really take the edge off having to look at the league table and seeing that they are only 9 points ahead of us, and only have a 24 point advantage in respect of goal difference …eh?

Tim, what are you actually talking about? This is mind bendingly stupid. We edged possession by about 10% and did naff all with it. We outplayed nobody. We lost a game that we never looked close to scoring in. In his idiotic value system, only getting beaten by one goal in a game against a better side, a game we didn’t fold in, is cause for optimism.

What might have given modest cause for cheer then? Well I’ll keep this brief as this is all stuff that didn’t actually happen.

Giving Soldado more than a token 8 minutes to build upon his drought breaking goal might have been an intelligent move, especially in light of the fact that Adebayor has gone off the boil. Or am I not allowed to say that? Is the party line still that Ade is reborn under Tim? Pffffft.

Eriksen’s wit and creative intelligence was muffled yet again by the decision to not to play him through the middle. And if this team needs anything right now, it’s intelligence.

The tactics are evidently as thought out as “get it into Ade and see what happens”, but the problem is, few balls in are of a quality to be nay cause for concern. There were a few oohs and ahhs yesterday, but they were awarded generously.

Townsend isn’t being coached. In fact he’s regressed. The first thing he does every single time he receives the ball is look down. Adebayor isn’t being coached. Every time he gets a ball, he loses valuable seconds trying to control it. It’s like watching a baby giraffe trying to control a ping pong ball.

The saddest thing is the wholesale lack of imagination.Without imagination, there can be no domination.

A businessman tied to a bed in a manky flat while some disinterested house wife smacks his bottom with the same rolled up copy of Good Housekeeping that she smacked his bottom with the week before.

It’s all about as erotic as watching England.

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