Manchester United vs Crystal Palace Now I may be certifiable Yid of indistinguishable years, but I see this as a coupon buster. David Moyes looks like a man who has recently emerged from an over chlorinated swimming pool (© Johnny Vaughn) but Ian Holloway looks like an extra from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. That said, I’m keep Van Persie in my fantasy football side for a little while longer yet. Score draw.
Aston Villa vs Newcastle United This is another one that has ‘media’ backlash written all over it. Villa might have knocked the Arse for six on the opening day, but since then they’ve been pretty much clean bowled by Chelsea and Liverpool. It’s unimaginative of me, but this game will hinge upon Villa’s ability to score. Toon have only scored once in 3 games. Home win.
Fulham vs West Brom Jol’s season so far has been mixed. No shock there, I guess. The 3 points he has, came by way of an away win against the Mackems. Since then, he’s lost at Sid James’ Park and at home to the dreaded Arse. In his presser ahead of this game BMJ revealed that he’ll be without Hughes, Bent, Stekelenburg and Briggs. Score draw.
Hull City vs Cardiff City I like Steve Bruce. Seems like a really decent bloke. The sort of person who not only returns a loaned lawnmower in a timely fashion, but in a better condition than which you actually lent it to him. That said, whilst he might make a nice neighbour, he may be a bit of a washout as a football manager. Cardiff have an opportunity to show that their molestation of Manchester City was a fluke/one off here. I’m unconvinced by either party, so a draw.
Stoke vs Manchester City Stoke’s form is good. You know the rule: You need to beat the sides that you aspire to finish above on the last day of the season. Sparky Marky Hughes picked up 6 points from the Ammers and from Crystal Palace. Now, City are scoring goals for fun. 8 goals in 3 games, they’ve the best goal difference in the league so far. Away win.
Sunderland vs the Arse This will be funny however it goes, as long as it isn’t a draw. The Mackems lose and Paulo Di Canio will hire an Italian galleon in order to authentically keel haul his misery riddled players. If the Arse lose, then Marty Feldman will be immediately branded a £40m flop. Away win.
Tottingham Hostpurs vs The Hairy Canaries As per the previous blog, we’re really looking for the boys to generate some goal action from open play. Fingers crossed that a mix of a rest, some home advantage and some of the new boys setting The Lane alight. Anything other than a win will be rued at the end of the season. Norwich have improved enormously, but we cannot be mucking about with a mob like them indoors after an international break. Home win.
Everton vs the Blue Racists Sadly I can’t see past an away win. Martinez has turned Everton into Wigan 2.0 and I’m not entirely sure what they did to deserve that. The Toffees are going to be missing a few players, Jose will be wanting to show the world what an incredibly versatile manager he is. Could turn nasty. Away win.
Southampton vs West Ham This is a great opportunity for Southampton to assert themselves. Andy Carroll’s out and listening to Sam Allardyce discussing the matter, this appears to be a nest of vipers. All I can tell you is that a pal of mine in Newcastle witnessed Carroll lashed, falling off a bar stool days before he was listed as injured whilst at Toon. I met him at a 188Bet thing at Melwood. He’s a thoroughbred liability. Home win.
Swansea City vs Liverpool A game I will not be watching. Michu must be wondering why the hell he’s still there. 3 points from 3 games and it’s really very tough to work out who at Swansea actually cares anymore. Every game they play consists of them looking quite good for 20 minutes or so, and then the players appear to start thinking about leaving early in their luxury sports cars in order to beat the traffic. This could be Swansea’s last season in the Premier League. I’m perfectly serious. Away win.
For all Spurs home matches I’ll be running a #GOALTIMEGUESS time competition.
It’s dead simple. The person to guess the time closest to that of the first Tottenham goal wins a fabulous Football Couture t shirt of their choice.
All entries are via Twitter (no exceptions, don’t bother asking) and you must express you guess using four digits, for example 15:36 together with the hashtag #GOALTIMEGUESS.
In the interests of complete fairness, I’ll even allow an own goal but only if it is in Spurs’ favour of course. You can make multiple guesses but if you go Rain Man on me and make 5400 guesses, I may well disqualify you. And/or take out a restraining order.
I reserve the right to make up more rules in order to safeguard the integrity of the competition at a later date. Terms and conditions apply. Your home may be at risk if you go out and leave all the doors and windows open.