Good evening and welcome. The closing scenes at White Hart Lane appeared to show Alain Depardieu sloping off like a man who’d just put his mortgage payment on a horse that would be more at home in a Bucharest burger bar.
I see that the old, ‘we would’ve won if it wasn’t for Bale’ schtick has been wheeled out by the silver fox. Well, I thought that Newcastle were going to offer more than they did. The net gain and advantages of their transfer window activity will unravel before August. But to cite Bale as the problem is papering over cracks. Pardew has some decent players at his disposal…
The funniest caption wins a copy of Barry Daines’ Book Of Soccer Chords. It’s a fret by fret guide to attaining goalkeeping kudos. It’s a publication you may be unfamiliar with as I just made it up. The copy I have to give is signed by Angus Young & Henry Kissinger.
Is your wallet in that pocket Al ?
“Gottle of geer, gottle of geer.”
Pardew : mmmmmmmmmm lovin that lil lady over there ………
AVB : ha ha no Alan, that’s little azza ! He’s no lady
Azza : *off camera* : eeeeeeeeeee we won, fandabidozi !
I think that our AVB was in the process of asking Depardieu (who like his namesake is moving to a smallvbilge in Belgium)
‘was it a bird or a plane or something Welsh, Alan? ‘
AVB : no Alan, vogueing for the sky cameras having signed some Frenchmen doesn’t make you sexy.
You need a sexy voice like me. And a sexy name, try Alan Villas Pardeu
Pardew : mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I like. Perhaps you could show me to your wags section ?
Oh Allen, you have got lovely tits
Any chance gallas can join your French revolution, you can have him for 2 mil *sucks cheek*
AVB : no Alan, this is not a cuddle. It’s a friendly gesture ……
Pardew : YOU’RE MY WIFE NOW. HELLO, IS THAT DAVE THERE ?
Are you really shagging Mike Asleys Wife Alan ? You should no better you crazy fuck.
Andre : ‘ere Alain, this es a good un, Why do your French players eat snails ?
Alan : Dunno !
Andre : Because they don’t like Fast Food, Geddit, Geddit ……..I’ve a hundred more like that mate !
Andre : Here’s another one Alan, What’s the difference between Sir Alex Ferguson and God ?
Alan : Dunno
Andre : God Doesn’t think he’s Sir Alex Ferguson ! Gedit, Gedit Alan. Tons more like that, oh i am a one.
Here’s another one Alan, you’ll like this,
A burglary was committed last night at West Ham’s Ground, and the entire contents of the Trophy Room were stolen.
The Metropolitan Police are looking for a Claret & Blue carpet.
That’s a cracker Alan, wait there’s more !
This one will really crack you up Alan, it was reported today that Traces of Zebra have been found in the Barcodes. Got you there, go on smile, i’ve tons more, jeez i am a wag.
AVB “Wow, you’ve got bigger tits than my wife!”
Did he actually say you were from a wee Club up North, the sanctimonious old git !
it doesn’t seem to be getting any better, this site ……………….
Alan, are you the one smuggling all the French horse meat into the UK? I wondered how you guys could afford all those French players!
AVB – sorry you big nosed c@nt but it appears you have gout in your left tit
I have got a coq enorme dans moi pantelons mon ami.
Pards: You don’t have to do this.
AVB: [smiles] People always say the same thing.
Pards: What do they say?
AVB: They say, “You don’t have to do this.”
Pards: You don’t.
AVB: Okay.
[AVB flips a coin and covers it with his hand]
AVB: This is the best I can do. Call it.
Pards: I knowed you was crazy when I saw you sitting there. I knowed exactly what was in store for me.
AVB: Call it.
Pards: No. I ain’t gonna call it.
AVB: Call it.
Pards: The coin don’t have no say. It’s just you.
AVB: Well, I got here the same way the coin did.
That’s some dark shit there brother ! Did you eat something past its sell by date ?
istort:
Neigh!
I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I’ve ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours.
Oh bugger sorry Alan, I thought you were Gareth
Hahaha, that’s quality!
He is consoling Pardew because he has immense dimensions of sadness. Obviously.
Va va voom! J’adore les petite boobies Alain x
Pardew: “That’s the last time I’ll ask him if he wants Cheick Tioté”
Ah Alan, you av managed to look creepier than me with my flasher mac and ginger ensemble.
Tell me, where can I get one of those Grange Hill uniforms ?
Any chance you want gallas to join your French revolution, you can have him for 2 mil *sucks teeth*
If there wasn’t 36,244 watching you would kiss me back, wouldn’t you ?
It was a definite penalty and red card for Walker when he kicked Gouffran no doubt in my mind at all.
AVB: is that suit more cheap, french rubbish, alan?
AVB: I love you man
AP: Yeah and I love you too Andre
AVB: No no no, I mean it man i LOVE you
AP: No I-I mean it, I LOVE you
AVB: No you don’t man, I love you (hugs Alan)
AP: Mike, Mr Ashley come over here, I think Andre has something to say to you
AVB: Mike, I LOVE you man
MA: Thank you
Alan, you’ll do the championship proud in outfits like this.
AVB: Alan, my crows feet are much bigger than yours but I moisturise daily and I am half your age! Please tell me what’s your secret?
AP: Forget Botox Andre! It’s all about horse DNA these days and I have an unlimited supply harvested from the sweat glands of my latest signings
AVB: Crafty. Do you suppose I could use Gareth? He’s a thoroughbred.
AP: You could do but sheep DNA will only make your hair curlier
‘Alan, Holtby was a buy, Ba Ba was a bye bye’
AVB: “Hey, cheer up…remember what Shearer was like as a manager?”
I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby!
I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby!
I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby!
I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby!
I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby! I’ve got Holtby!
For fucksake cant you just say it ONCE!!!!!!!!
BUT FUCKING MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!
Dont be ridiculous,the man is shit,absolute shit!
Who’s this Holtby chap?
Miisscomunication between Pardew and AVB…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUCDhvbQFmU
”For every dumb thing I have said, there are literally thousands of dumb things I haven’t said.”
”And, uhh, Arsene said towards, uhh, towards the end of August, …. {giggles a little more} …. he, uhh, said, ”Yo’ ass is mine, Jan. But Vertonghen, … he, uhh, he come here to me instead.”
”Sir Alex, uhh, he say, you not let us win, we tap, uhh, Gareth Bale up in summer, but, …. Kenny McEvoy, he all packed up and ready to go.”
”Arsene Wenger, uhh, to get so many French players, he have to bribe ‘dem with, uhh, candy and ice cream to get in van, but, uhh, you just offer ‘dema chance to play for team with class and hey-ho.”
”Alan, hey, Alan. Seriously, you, uhh, no have to blackmail chairman for, uhh, that contract? How I get one of those?”
”Hey, Alan. Did you hear about that new reality prison series which the producers of that stupid about a load of non-celebrities and two irritating Geordies presenters have thought up? With Jack Wilshere in a starring role, it’s called ”I’m A Thug, … Get Me Out Of Here!”
you’re right Alan. if you didn’t pitch today, you wouldna lost.
“I didn’t know you got your tits done”
TYPICAL FRENCHIES EH? THEY SAW FREUND AND HOLTBY AND PROMPTLY SURRENDERED.
Brilliant
clever
Oh Alan your moob is of an epic dimension, as is that cock on your forehead
I mean it alain, in 90 minutes time you will storm down that tunnel with no time for an au revoir, muttering sacre bleu
And you certainly won’t kiss me on both cheeks, don’t look at me like that Alain, I was talking about my face !!!
Alan, I love this pearl bracelet, thank you, but no you will have to give the pearl neclace to Arsene…
“Just for Men or Grecian 2000 will get you back in the game Grandbag”
AVB: It’s called Sex Panther by Odeon. It’s illegal in nine countries… Yep, it’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good.
AP: It’s quite pungent.
AVB: Oh yeah.
AP: It’s a formidable scent… It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
AVB: Yep.
AP: Andre, I’m gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
AVB: They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.
Ledge
Tell me your secret.How the fcuk do you get an eight year contract.
oh go on Alain.. our players are swapping shirts… let’s have that jacket for my slimfit coat…
“Alan just one tip,its something I saw while I was watching the game that might help you,how about the idea of marking Gareth Bale,I mean just sayin’”
“Alan really I mean what do YOU think about Kyle Walker? There are some here that say he is shit and others that thing he had not a bad game,but I was wondering in any case why your left winger was anonymous?”
Bale fecked you, and I have just ejaculated into your pocket Mr Pardon
The Gauntlet has been thrown….
http://footylatest.com/arsene-wenger-issues-a-warning-to-bitter-rivals-tottenham/40063
This rivalry just got rivalryer….
Ha Alan, you see, I’m Mr Righbuy-you-Mr Byright-geddit?
“8 years you say. Eight Years? Congratulations. That is an immense contract dimension Alan. hahahaha”
“Alan, is that a bullet in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?”
Alan Pardew’s a twat.
ALLAN ! HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY FOR ALL THEM FRENCHEES ? GOD YOUR CUTE WHEN YOU BLUSH !!
how do you like your frenchies fried or toasted?.I prefer welsh rabbit myself
french mustard you say! more like french letters
“Nice garb, Alan, very headmaster-chic.”
Alain, Nice sweater, but the sweater, tie and jacket combo, it is so 1950s, no? Tell you what I will trade you my magic mini Mack for Sissoko. For a wee club up north you will look so sharp! Is a deal?
avb: come on alan, you know the fog on the tyne is all mine all mine, come to my office for some soggy sausage rolls.
Did you see after the game though. In the tunnel. AVB went to Alan and was showing his condolences and tried to put this arm around him. What ever AVB said Alan wasn’t at all interested. If you lip read Alan looked to be saying OK OK OK in a very pissed off way, as if to say he didn’t want to know and seamed a bit angry.
You Spent How Much in January???? ……. AVB (chuckles) MUG Buy from your Heart next time not your HEAD!!!